My Double Feature Review

After not going to the movie theater in almost three months, I made a back-to-back (well, back-to-back weekend) effort to see a couple of summer blockbusters. And that's when I realized I don't miss going to the movies at all.

Shrek Forever After

The enticing part of watching this four-quel was not the content, but the fact that all I had to pay was $4.75 for a matinee at the Tallahassee AMC when I was in town for a wedding last weekend. Instead of completely soaked into the ogre-oriented fairytale like I was with the first two installments of the film, I found myself sitting there.. judging the catastrophe that has become this once creative franchise. The jokes were dull and elementary and the "what-if?" plot felt like a bad episode of the 90s sitcom "Dinosaurs". I suppose it didn't help that the sound system keep blowing out in the theater. Perhaps Walter over at Silver Screening Room is onto something, that AMC does suck hard at maintaining its facility. At least I got a voucher for a free admission to any AMC in the nation. $4.75 matinee in Tallahassee to $20 IMAX 3D in Lincoln Center.... not so bad for my troubles.

I was ready for Sex and the City 2 to suck. Everyone and every review has hammered this thing to the point of embarrassment. That doesn't stop me however to choose it as my first midnight screening of a film in close to two years. If I had known it was going to be 2 hours and 30 minutes long, I might have reconsidered, but watching four middle-aged women having fun dressed in ridiculously over the top costume would certainly be entertaining.

The biggest problem was the sequel is that it had no plot. 2 hours and 30 minutes of random occurrences by the four ladies. Starting with a gay wedding featuring an all-male choir and Liza Minnelli and ending with stock footage of an old black and white movie, it was the perfect example of what a "connect-the-dots" script looks like- while not boring, just nothing really happens besides the signature puns and innuendoes this franchise does so well. Perhaps my friend who went with me said it best- "There was so much eye-rolling from contrived over-the-top shenanigans, I didn't think to bother checking my watch."

The most amusing thing of the night was the four or five guys sitting next to us who looked like they were scouting for dates at the female-dominant crowd.

My New Director/New Film Festival

A few nights after my first visit at ND/NF this year, I was invited to a screening of the film chosen for closing night and its after party. Unlike my rather disorienting reaction to Monday's show, it was clear I was not only emotionally invested but applaud director Xavier Dolan's freshman effort in I Killed My Mother, the Canadian submission to this year's Academy Awards. As complex as it is brilliant, the journey of one relationship between a teenager and his mother is sure to be relevant in some variation to anyone who ever had an argument with their mother.

Being a semi-autobiography, the 20-year old (!!!) Dolan crafted this impressive tale that I wished I had the ability to write down such heartbreaking moments. At the after party, my friend and I were hoping to meet the dapper dressed Dolan to congratulate, who also starred in the film, but alas... he was whisked away somewhere by John Cameron Mitchell and never returned.

Sidenote: Alice Tully Hall turned out to be one gorgeous facility.

My Happiest Girl In The World

At last night's New Directors/New Films festival screening of the Romanian film, The Happiest Girl In The World, I found myself surprised by the content of the international festival hit. Given the premise of:

"When a plucky provincial duckling of a young lady wins a contest, she must travel with her parents to the buzzing metropolis of Bucharest to claim her prize."

I was expecting a tamer version of 'Little Miss Sunshine', the unexpected twist of the prize being a cameo for a commercial made this film much too real for me. Set against the backdrop of a commercial shoot, our heroine must navigate her needs against her parent's and also deal with the cruel world of commercial production. While it doesn't have the sharpest script, I couldn't look away because both me and my friend are very familiar with this nonsense world. In fact, at various points of the film, it was cringe worthy how painfully real the portrayals of commercial agencies and clients' set behavior were. It was just a relief to see the rest of the audience laugh at the absurdity of what goes on just to remind me we weren't sitting in on someone's cruel joke.

My Valentine's Day Analysis

If you're reading this thinking you're getting a glimpse of my love life (or at moment, there lack of), you've mistaken. This is purely about the ensemble romantic comedy 'Valentine's Day', a film I've been looking forward to since it got greenlit last spring after the moderate success of the disgustingly horrific 'He's Just Not That Into You' that stars half of Hollywood. So let's get right to it:

MVP (Most Valuable Player): Ashton Kutcher, I thought I'd never say it but he practically glued the film together. It's honestly the first time ever I was charmed by the Punk'd master.

LVP (Least Valuable Player): Kathy Bates, even I could tell she had one free day last spring and decided to be in this movie and shoot all her scenes that day.

Most Surprising Player: Emma Roberts, I've never seen 'Aquamarine' or 'Nancy Drew', but this girl has got all her aunt's charisma and more.

Most Disappointing Player: Queen Latifah, doing her best Miranda Priestley only proves Meryl Streep does it better.

Favorite "Love Story": I'm a sucker for kids, but young Bryce Robinson's search for his bouquet of flowers for his valentine has got to be sweetest thing ever.

Least Favorite "Love Story": Anne Hathaway as a phone sex operator trying to win over Topher Grace. I've never been embarrassed for the Princess before until she did her best Russian dominatrix accent.

Most Potential "Love Story": Eric Dane wants a family and all he got is a giant condo and an even bigger heartache, enter the love of his life at the end of V-Day. McSteamy finally knocks off that "holier than thou" attitude.

Blown Potential "Love Story": On paper, it should work but Taylors Launter and Swift had practically no chemistry as lovestruck teenagers- no wonder their real life romance ended just as fast.

So yes, in case you were wondering, I did enjoy the movie. It's no way the best thing ever but it served its purpose- inducing heartwarming fuzzies that make me go "Awwwww."