My Case For My Admission To The Looney Bin

In a conversation between a friend and myself about relationships, this gem arose:

"My everyday thinking goes something like this: I'll text around noon to see if we can go out tonight. That gives 3 hours to think about how to do this. Wait, but noon might be too early. How about 2? Yeah, I'll go with two. No, 2:14, that's more casual and it wouldn't seem like I'm waiting for a specific time. Or should I just call? People like phone calls, right? It seems more personal and less cowardly. But what if the voicemail picks up? No, I can't talk to a machine. I'll probably just end up blabbering about nothing and come off more of a psycho. I should stick to texting. Yeah, text. I'll text. Should I start it with a ''Hey'? People like 'Heys'. I'd like a 'Hey'. Yeah, I'll do the Hey thing. At 2:14."

My Overhead on Set

Best Boy: Dude, that chick is bangin'.

Gaffer: She's wearing a giraffe costume.

Best Boy: So? I'd tap that.

I knew I was different...

My Dinner Theatre

Pops insisted on having dinner at a restaurant named 'Fu Kee', a name worthy of Engrish, on 86th Street since they have a $10 for 2 lobsters special if you dine in. Yes, $10 for 2 whole lobsters. So here we are, father and son, chowing down on our lobsters when I overheard a conversation at the next table between an Asian teenager and a middle aged white woman:

Teenage Daughter: There's this party tomorrow night I want to go to.

Step-Mom: Isn't it a school night?

Daughter: Yeah, but it's going to be a great party.

Step-Mom: What's the party for?

Daughter: No reason.

Step-Mom: So there's going to be a great party for no reason.

Daughter: There's no need for a reason to have a great party. People can just have parties now. It's not like back in your generation when people only get together for birthdays and bar mitzvahs.

Step-Mom: (agitated) Well, kids this generation flash their private parts for an iPod at parties!

Daughter: (disgusted) It's iPad!

Lobster AND comedy, what a fun night at Fu Kee! And to my surprise, I didn't throw up afterwards.

My Overhead on Easter

On the F train: "Jesus was like the best zombie ever."